ENJOY A LIVE-IN MENAGE A TROIS: Web Radio & Article
by Janet Kira Lessin,
Chief, World Polyamory Association
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Janet, Janey (two women) and Sasha (a dude) make living together fun, growthful and very sexy. Here’s tips on the communication, growth facilitation and tantric skills that make threesomes bliss.
When I was a young girl and just beginning to discover sex, I heard stories about a fantasy that men had of being in bed with two ladies at one time. Sometimes they might even elaborate on the theme and wish for “the red-headed twins or “the sisters”, etc. One has to smile.
In our counseling practice, Dr. Lessin and I facilitate many couples who desire adding another lady in all imaginable situations:
Wife is either bisexual or bi-curious and wishes to experience loving a woman by herself.
A couple wants the new lady to join them and love altogether in bed.
The husband travels a lot and the new lady is a lover and companion
for his wife.
A couple wants a lot of children so the new wife will help with child rearing and chores.
The man wants more than one lover and the wife supports him in what he
wants, but doesn’t want to be involved.
Whether it be an experience for the moment or a relationship for a lifetime, adding a third greatly affects all concerned and can be an enjoyable and pleasurable experience for each one of you.
Dealing with emotional and psychological upsets after one is triggered can be destabilizing and painful. In our triad counseling, couples can explore their vulnerabilities and childhood wounds which may be potential areas where they may feel hurt or abandoned when entering into non-monogamy. By honoring one anothers’ needs and considerations before you expand, you can greatly enhance your experience and make it truly blissful.
Learn the Art of Poly Etiquette and fine-tune the energies in your special dance of two ladies and a man. Enhance your communication skills so that each of you can effectively deliver to the others all your desires and needs and synergize your various energies into a larger epiphany. One of the most important possibilities is that the flame of sister-love may be fanned and grow.
Men can learn a lot about being gentle by watching two ladies love. With two ladies to pleasure, the man will need to master ejaculatory control.
By learning tantra, which combines moving the energy through the chakras and controlling the breath, he can be present and focused for hours on his loves while experiencing multiple orgasms without tiring ejaculations.
Tantric ladies learn how to free their orgasm and ejaculate (amrita) while they run kundalini energy to their partners and experience extended and full-body orgasms.
TWO WOMEN & A MAN
Janet: When I was a young girl and just beginning to discover sex, I heard stories about a fantasy that men had of being in bed with two ladies at one time. Sometimes they might even elaborate on the theme and wish for “the red-headed twins or “the sisters”, etc. One has to smile.
In our counseling practice, Dr. Lessin and I facilitate many couples who desire adding another lady in all imaginable situations:
Wife is either bisexual or bi-curious and wishes to experience loving a woman by herself
A couple wants the new lady to join them and love altogether in bed
The husband travels a lot and the new lady is a lover and companion for his wife
A couple wants a lot of children so the new wife will help with child rearing and chores
The man wants more than one lover and the wife supports him in what he wants, but doesn’t want to be involved.
Whether it be an experience for the moment or a relationship for a lifetime, adding a third greatly affects all concerned and can be an enjoyable and pleasurable experience for each one of you.
Dealing with emotional and psychological upsets after one is triggered can be destabilizing and painful. In our triad counseling, couples can explore their vulnerabilities and childhood wounds which may be potential areas where they may feel hurt or abandoned when entering into non-monogamy. By honoring one anothers’ needs and considerations before you expand, you can greatly enhance your experience and make it truly blissful.
Learn the Art of Poly Etiquette and fine-tune the energies in your special dance of two ladies and a man. Enhance your communication skills so that each of you can effectively deliver to the others all your desires and needs and synergize your various energies into a larger epiphany. One of the most important possibilities is that the flame of sister-love may be fanned and grow.
Men can learn a lot about being gentle by watching two ladies love.
With two ladies to pleasure, the man will need to master ejaculatory control. By learning tantra, which combines moving the energy through the chakras and controlling the breath, he can be present and focused for hours on his loves while experiencing multiple orgasms without tiring ejaculations.
Tantric ladies learn how to free their orgasm and ejaculate (amrita) while they run kundalini energy to their partners and experience extended and full-body orgasms.
Ah, two ladies and a man, the fantasy begins. Experience a loving, exciting, erotic life shared by all three of you; friends, beloveds, sisters, partners, devoted and caring; creating the form that serves each of you to your greatest potential and highest
Here’s a beautiful experience, a slice of my life: a triad I was privileged to experience.
OUR FIRST MONTH LIVING TOGETHER
A month has gone by since Sasha and I began our new live-in triad with the fabulous Janey. I know we are on our honeymoon and just like all others who begin love anew, in the beginning all is rosy. However, we; Janey, Sasha and I, are conscious enough beings to realize the trials and tribulations of communicating and living together and are committed to the process, confident that our love will heal all wounds.
I am amazed at the depth of our love. I wake up mornings with tears welling in my eyes. I’ve never felt such joy knowing at last that two people love me totally, unconditionally. I was afraid at first that I was not worthy of such adoration. And there are still moments when I find myself hovering outside of myself judging who is she that she can have such depth of connection, such love, such intimacy? I come back in and think, “How can I at last be worthy?” I find my Inner Critic taking center, judging my age, appearance, and all the superficial things that society creates to determine self worth and distance myself from me and others. When did I buy into all of that? When did I take that on and make it mine to the point that it affects my self-esteem and physical health?
Sasha reassures me. So does Janey. I am finally loved and adored. There was a moment there during the first few days that I thought Janey would bolt. Who wouldn’t? After all, I’m so difficult? Sasha and I are so intense sometimes in our interactions. When Janey began to speak that morning in our check in, I saw her pain, felt her fear and waited for the fatal words to come, “I’ve decided to leave”. She even began with something on that line. “Last night I almost left”. “Oh my”, my critic declared in dismay, “What horrible unpardonable sin have I committed again?” I waited for the ax to fall, the other shoe to hit the ground, when much to my amazement Janey came back with, “But I decided to stay and face the fears. I only needed to step out of it all for a moment, reflect and view it, and get a better perspective. Then from that clear space, I returned and was able to move forward in love”. I know that’s not her exact words, but that’s the energy and message that she conveyed to us. Especially to me.
I judge my pain, how silly I am to hurt so readily even after all this time embracing polyamory. How can I be so sensitive and yet move forward to explore such an experimental lifestyle as polyamory? Why do I chose such a deep level of intensity when I could keep my poly-loving on a more casual basis and not have my lovers live with me? What drives me to do something so out-there, so bizarre to so many? Won’t I just destroy everything I have?
When I ask myself that question, the answer that comes back is complex and multi-faceted. It reflects many parts of myself which I believe reflect many parts of our society. There’s a part of me that wants the security and intimacy of a beloved. I want the devotion and love of a family. While embracing both of those in my heart, I also long for the excitement and variety of many loving encounters. I desire the diversity of melding my body and consciousness with other races. I love loving lovers of my same gender and well as the opposite. I couldn’t imagine choosing only one, male or female, as I know I’d be cutting myself off from a part of me that I see with each gender. It would be like losing half of me. Or worse yet, Id’ just be suppressing that part of me, making it bad or wrong when I know when in my heart of hearts that when I make love I am connected to not only the other that I touch in the moment, but to all parts of myself, God, the Universe and the Divine.
In my self-examination I find that another driving force is the pain I feel from my clients. I work with so many who are hurting because they are trying to shove themselves into a box that no longer fits. Society is currently operating from the illusion of pluralistic ignorance, meaning that what is actually happening in our culture in terms of relationships and sexuality is not what is being shown. Thousands come to me and Sasha in our practice and school to explore the new paradigms of relating: swinging, tantra, polyamory, bisexuality, etc. They say they must hide their thoughts, desires and actions from their mates, children, parents, employees, co-workers, society for fear of repercussions. From my perspective as the Dear Abby of the internet, the revolution is here. While there are many who are celebrating and joyful in their new-found revelation, there are still many times more who suffer because they must hide who they really are behind shame and guilt which does not accurately reflect the truths of their hearts.
I believe it’s time to bring this into the light. I am driven by my love of humanity. My pain meets your pain and my joy seeks to dance with your joy. It is only by going through the fire, like a Phoenix rising, that we can find truth. And once that is revealed, then the truth will set ALL of us free.
Yesterday our triad took a moment to reflect on our month together. Sasha and Janey have been holding themselves back, not acting on impulses because I would feel uncomfortable if I were left out and not included. I acknowledged and appreciated that they exhibited such restraint. I, what I believe is my center, sees all the parts of me. Part of me is joyous, in total empathy (or what we call compersion in the polyamory movement), when I see Sasha and Janey love, kiss, hug and make love. However, a few weeks ago, my Inner Child collapsed in fear and panic. I was as helpless; Janey and Sasha and I watched me sink into a well of despair. And I am not sure right now what I can get to calm my Inner Child’s discomfort and allow her to meet this situation with the joy and love that the rest of me feels.
Oh my poor walking, wounded Inner Child. When will she ever find total peace? I’ve named my Inner Child, Janney Banney, after the affectionate nickname my father gave me when I was very small. “Janet the Bandit, she stole my heart away”, Dad would say as he held me upside down on his lap and looked into my eyes.
I looked again at Janey and Sasha. They held space, love pouring forth from both of them. Tears flowed freely down my face as we opened ourselves even more to one another. “I guess there’s really six of us here: not only the three of us but each of our inner children,” I said. “So how can I make each of us feel safe, feel more comfortable, feel the love that I give?”
That rhetorical question needed no actual answer in the moment. Time will reveal more as we proceed. The invitation is there for any of us at any time to express our thoughts, feelings, emotions and desires. We’ve become a three-way biofeedback system. My beautiful mirrors show me what I need to pay attention to. Their reflection is honest. For myself and my healing, I know I only need to internalize the love they shower on me. I think that time is the element that will allow me to integrate the love that already exists.
I know if I honor my mirrors and heed what I am getting then I’m well on my way to the spiritual growth and evolution I seek. While maybe I’ll never achieve true perfection here on this planet, I can become more and more conscious, take personal responsibility for my thoughts, deeds and actions and stop inflicting my dysfunction on others.
Our family’s expanding. October 1st we’ll be joined by Jose and Mandy. We’re so excited that they are joining us. We welcome the love and adventure. We also have others who want to join us. Some want only the moment, to mix energies, stories, love and joy while others seek longer connections as students, teachers, clients, seminar attendees, party participants, lovers and community members. They are all intriguing. I wonder who’ll get on the plane? I wonder who’ll chose to stay?
It’s my deepest hope that our new model for family and paradigm for relating will open the world to honor the very deep and personal choices that each individual makes from their hearts for relating and connecting to others. Each path to source, to whatever we perceive as God is unique and valuable for all of us to view.
My family and our trials and tribulations are but a microcosm of all that exists. Nothing in the human condition is alien to me or mine. My internal strife unhealed reflects externally and thus affects all around me. As within, so without. As above, so below. My personal wounds are no greater or no less than yours. My story is universal. As I heal I heal those around me. Same goes for each of us. As we each own our reactions and heal ourselves, we are in affect healing the planet. Every internal conflict resolved affects the morphogenic field and shifts us to an alternative reality of peace, away from the model of war that we are being offered right now.
Since I am a social being, I chose my family as my place of healing and evolution. I know with the love and support of others around me who share the consciousness vision, that I can live authentically from my deepest personal truth to become my personal best and give the most I can in the short while I have to dance on this planet. I invite you to look at your hearts. What do you find? If so moved, I welcome your answers.
Sasha: I’m so grateful for Janey. Since she’s come to us, we’ve played, laughed and enjoyed ecstatic group sex more often. The three of us problem-solve and work more smoothly than Janet and I have in years. Janey stays clear and centered and her few words of neutral observation help us return in mere moments to love and cooperation when Janet and I destabilize into soured interaction that would otherwise have lasted hours. A few days ago, Janey asked me “Who pissed in your cornflakes,” when I snapped at Janet. Her comment snapped me back into awareness and I was able to apologize and talk about what was really bugging me, stuff that had nothing to do with Janet. Janey brings us back to love.
Janey’s here to meet Janet’s needs for constant companionship, shopping for fun and woman-woman sex. Polyamory provides people to meet each other’s needs better than the isolated nuclear family. Since Janey’s come, I no longer have to struggle with Janet’s need for constant company each day and get away and swim, bike, do yoga, hike my mountain or go to the gym. Janet’s got Janey to work and play with while I’m gone. Janey even swims with me too.
And Janey’s easing Janet’s fear of loss of intimacy as our family expands even further. Janet had been apprehensive (as well as excited) that Jose and Mandy will join us in three weeks. After the journeywork and loving we did yesterday, Janet knows we’ll never abandon her and looks forward to even more love, attention and satisfaction.
Janey: I’m the third. Number three. The outsider. Breaking into this strong dyadic conscious stream. I look for my break-like a sperm attacking an egg-tail flagellating. Yet knowing full well I am the one to fertilize this waiting ripe ovum that has been waiting for my love. Breaking through all barriers. Please be the one! Be strong enough to come inside our vulnerable lives, strong enough to love and live. Transcend our spiritual egg-cause life to unfold.
One month later: I’m still here and learning the intricacies of my beloveds. We have had this full month alone without other community members to get to know one another and form the bonds between me and Janet, between me and Sasha and synergistically among the three together. It has been wonderful, interesting intense and a month long honeymoon. We stretch and purr with the kitties while having tea at our early morning check in where we analyze our dreams and plan our day. We share our thoughts, needs and desires while our energies meld and soar as it becomes it’s own entity with it’s own intuition. The triad seems to take it’s own loving course now with no forced movements.
I came to this relationship with such a newfound emotional freedom and strong calming spirit. This was such a welcome addition that was easily woven in. I felt their needs so strongly. Their intensity was off the scale at times. I just had to step back, gather my thoughts-close my eyes-then laugh out loud because I swear I heard the pitty-patter of Janet’s inner child’s feet running. For through the intensity, their love and joy is just as strong and my commitment, love and devotion bring me back to center and I am at peace again.
Janet Kira Lessin and Sasha Lessin, Ph. D. offer polyamory counseling, coaching sessions as well as tantra education, counseling and coaching. They also put on the annual World Polyamory Association Conference at Harbin Hot Springs, N. Ca. See Conferences on this web site. For more information go to www.worldpolyamoryassociation.com. We’re switching over to a new site so bear with us.
You may also write to us at worldpolyamoryassociation@gmail.com, worldpolyamory@aol.com, phone 808-244-4103, cell 808-214-3442.