I discovered I was polyamorous in 1990 when I fell in love with Ed,a man I met on the internet. He was married. So was I. We fell in love with each other but not out of love with our spouses and felt awful, at first, then came to understand through internet groups and research that loving more than one is called polyamory.
I’d never heard of that term before then while Ed had been actively involved in Kerista, a polyamorous community that began 1971 and broke up in 1991.
I knew, in my heart, that when I felt, deep inside my heart, that I could truly love more than one person, that I was rediscovering a truth that resonated with every cell of my being and that truth resided within my DNA itself.
Genetically we know. Consciously we may not be able to get it. But do the analysis on any family tree and I guarantee you’ll find skeletons in every closet. It’s time we all come out of the closet so we can truly learn to love
ourselves for who and what we are.
Humans are complicated, driven by love, lust, passion and desire, we mate and breed, procreate, mix and blend, spilling our seed and body fluids in every direction across race, religion, color, creed, gender and orientation. When we get down to it, it matters not much about things on the surface.
But looking at it from spiritual and reincarnation perspectives, we’re all one and we’ve been every sort of relationship to one another and race. We are so strongly drawn to one another on some core level beyond ego that when souls meet and remember one another, are “attracted” to one another, we violate every rule because of that law of attraction, over-ride every social more and morality system just to be with each other. We sometimes even get violent and rape, pillage and plunder. In the end it matters not for the interactions spawn children and those children are influenced by how they are spawn to the cores of their beings that they carry that forward generation after generation affecting our societies on core levels.
Time we get conscious, get real and really learn how to love.
Twenty years ago this year, October 29th I left everyone I knew, everything I knew and felt safe and comfortable with, threw caution to the wind and moved with 2 suitcases and a backpack all the way from Pennsylvania to Oahu, Hawaii to find myself. For I was in love with a married man and he with me and we loved our spouses and just had to figure it out. We knew, in our heart of hearts that love’s never wrong, that somehow the world had been turned upside down, ass backwards and inside out and it was up to us to right this wrong for love is never wrong. Love is always right, always the answer and that love I felt for that man was the rightest thing I’d ever felt in my heart and soul.
I love myself, forgive myself for I made a mistake but was not ever mistaken to follow my heart. My personal journey led me to this day where now same sex marriages will soon be legal across the United States of America and hopefully soon, the world and hopefully, soon polyamorous marriages will be legal universally as well.
Equality for same sex relationships will lead to equality for all. We need to get through the final, most heinous offense against humanity and human rights, inequality between the sexes. For it’s prejudice against women of any kind that keeps humanity from becoming a whole and conscious species.
Hatred (and prejudice is just a form of hatred) is ultimately self hatred for each of us is both male and female with aspects of both within ourselves. When each person is balanced between their inner masculine and feminine aspects of themselves, from within and without, the final prejudice will fall and we become enlightened, as a people, return to balance, recover from the fall from grace symbolized as heaven and hell in our ancient spiritual/religious writings.
We must, each of us individually and collectively, support freedom and balance at every opportunity. It’s time we right all these wrongs and we’re on the right course by supporting marriage choice for all. Let individuals and group define love for themselves. Time to get the government out of the marriage business. Focus on basic, human rights.
And no, you can’t marry your pets because they cannot consent. And no, you can’t marry children for they’re too young and cannot consciously make decisions for themselves. If you get a child to marry you, you’ve coerced them, manipulated them. So no matter how much you convince yourself that your dog loves you enough to want to marry you (it was that special wag in their tail that meant consent, eh?) or no matter how much you justify having sex with that under-aged child), you’re kidding yourself. Get over it. It’s illegal and will remain so as is right, moral and ethical. Healthy boundaries are healthy for all. Get over it or go to jail. End of that story.
When I came to Hawaii 20 years ago the universe supported my mission on every level. I was on a plane, starting my 14 hour journey to Hawaii when Ed’s brother-in-law literally gave him a key to his apartment when Ed drove him to the airport. That meant I had a place to stay when I landed hours later in the midst of a torrential downpour. What a welcome! Ed, until then, had no idea where to put me that first night when God (the Universe) literally gave him the key. Ed, smile on his face and umbrella in hand welcomed me with all his heart and soul into his life, his world.
That first week everything fell into place magically. I was led by a man I met walking down the street, who approached me because I was smiling from ear to ear, to the perfect apartment where I lived that first month. Within a week Ed and I were led by divine hands to an event which led us to a brochure on a table at that event, which led us about a newly forming polyamory group at the Unitarian Church on Pali Highway. We went there, became the core group of 4 who founded that group along with Moonstorm, a psychiatrist who had the vision that loving more than one was the perfect vision for happiness for so many.
There were so many magical, mystical synchronicities about those early days, so many synchronicities way beyond random probability, that I knew I was being divinely guided. My guides led me every step of the way till four years later I was guided to my twin flame, my divine partnership with my husband and life partner, Sasha. We remembered union, that we’ve been together since the beginning of time and this lifetime, this mission was to take polyamory to the people on a global scale and make it happen, not only for us, but for all who want and need it for themselves.
I discovered after they died that my parents had been swingers back in the 50s and 60s. Perhaps some of the children I played with when growing up where the results of such unions, children made of love play with people who loved to make love with many loves. Maybe even I am a result of such a coupling. How can any of us really know unless we do the genetic history of our families?
Our path, the now united path of Janet and Sasha led us to articles, radio shows and eventually 10 television shows before agism prejudice got to us and we were no longer being sought after by the media for television shows. No one wants to see a bunch of old folks making love, I suppose. But we had a good run of it, for about 10 years until the next generation took over. Now there’s a Showtime series on polyamory. And like gays and lesbians who are now featured all over the media, soon polys will be a common thread, seen everywhere, as it should. For polyamory always was and will be. Now people can love more than one and the stigma will be removed. And hopefully, someday old folks will be just as sexy as young, that love will be sexy and fun no matter what body’s exuding it.
Now people can stop cheating and figure out ways to evolve and move past jealousy and insecurities. And no, now will be more complicated and complex. Love is complex, not simple. Relationships are difficult, full of stuff you have to clear, learn, move past, get over, figure out. Relationships will involve getting conscious and clear about core things within each individual. Now we’ll have to really begin to know who we are inside ourselves, deep inside. Now with more choices, more freedoms, we’ll have room to make mistakes, explore and discover our true nature, our gender, sex, orientation, wants, needs and desires.
And now, as these things come forefront and become basic, necessary, natural decisions each person makes during the course of their own, individual, unique lives, perhaps things like the OJ Simpson murder trials will become a thing of the past. Imagine how many people have died since the dawn of time over jealousy alone? It makes my head spin. How senseless, what a shame, what a sin that so many lives have been lost.
But now, there’s hope, there’s a light at the end of the tunnel that balance can at last be restored to the Universe.
Now we’re free, free at last to chose how we want to be, to be how we truly are and at last, to love and accept that
person who is us and be accepted by those who love us, friends and family who too are now free to love and accept us because the last social stigma, the final prejudice has been removed. Prejudice is no longer socially accepted, but rather so politically incorrect that shame as been reversed to those who shame. So shame on you. And we forgive you and all of us for a system that was so unconscious and hurtful for so long, it affected the generations and evolution of consciousness for us all.
Now we are all free, reborn anew in a new world that’s based on love, acceptance, tolerance, diversity. This world’s far more exciting and interesting than ever before due to more choices. The world’s truly a rainbow of colors, the rainbow of life and love that diversifies creation making life more enjoyable, worth living for all.
Now, it’s 16 years later and Sasha and I are more in love than ever. We’ve had a long list of polyamorous relationships we’ve tried together. All were successful in their own right and had good runs, even though none have resulted in permanent live-in relationships. That’s fine, we’re ok with that. We love whom we love. We’ve grown exponentially. We still at age 59 and 73 have a lot to learn about love, life and relationships. We still have some programming to overcome, despite all these years of working on it. When will we finally be reprogrammed and over it?
Maybe never. Maybe it’s just the journey, not the goal that’s what it’s all about anyway.
There’s more to the story, more to be written personally and as a society, a world community that’s ever evolving. We’re making progress on all levels, I’m happy to report. Keep up the good work, world. We may just get it before the story ends.
Janet Kira Lessin is CEO of the World Polyamory Association
